I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
