The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
