hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
