my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
