dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
