I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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