it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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