Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
