She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
