i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
