Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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