Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
