I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
