the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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