If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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