Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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