Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am naked and annoyed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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