the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
