Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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