I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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