So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
