just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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