yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
