I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
