and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
