so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
