There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
