I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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