he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
