you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
