Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
