just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
