umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
