Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
