you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
