anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
