These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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