It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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