I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
