Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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