Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
