So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
