I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
