Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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