Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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