Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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