apparently the secret to your success is patron
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
