I haven't been this sober since birth.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
