You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
