my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
