remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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