today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
