Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
