I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
