For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
