I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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