This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
